Saturday, August 20, 2011
Thoughts - 44 days away.
The other day my husband and I were discussing fear of dying. He was saying he's not afraid to die. I found myself thinking that day, that I am afraid to die. Not just because I worry about others, but because I want to LIVE. I'm just not ready to stop. This line of thinking made me feel like perhaps I was selfish in my desire to live. But as I read another blog today describing a woman remembering losing her mother to breast cancer - I realize that it's not entirely selfish. I don't want my daughters to experience that, It makes me cry to think of a daughter losing her mother. I am so thankful to have had mine all my life. I can't imagine the pain of losing her to something like that. I feel like a mothers love can be so powerful, so fierce. Just as i can't imagine losing my daughter, I don't want my mom to lose hers either. My mom told me she wished she could do this for me, so I wouldn't have to. I know exactly what that feels like. I feel the same way about my daughters, I wish I could do this three times over if it could prevent them from having to face this. But for now it's enough that It will keep me alive, so I can be here for them, and for my mom, and just live.