Friday, July 29, 2011
I Don't Have Breast Cancer!!!
Diagnosis: Breast Cancer.
My eyes tingled a little and my throat started to close off, I turned and walked out of the office. As I started driving back to work it really hit me, somewhat fiercely.. " I DON'T have breast cancer!!!!" And I was lost again, what am I doing?? This is soooo drastic, It's a possibility I might not even get cancer! might.... maybe? small chance...
So I turned in my paperwork to my supervisor and HR, I was thinking I had already talked to them both and they didn't say anything like "OMG Amanda you have breast cancer?!?!" So I didn't even think about it until I was leaving HR and I realized I had talked to her about my autoimmune thing but I didn't think I had talked to her about my Genetic mutation.
I stopped in to see my cousin (who I work with) a couple offices down, and told her what my concern was, I don't want to mislead people into thinking I do have breast cancer, but I'm assuming this is standard for the surgeon to write for these purposes, but I felt so bad, and I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me, thinking I had cancer. So she talked me through it (she's really great), and I turned around, went back into the HR office and pointed to the my paperwork "I need you to know, I DON'T have breast cancer, I have a genetic mutation that gives me an 84% risk of getting breast cancer, and based on family history, probably in next few years, I just don't want you thinking I have breast cancer right now" To which she responded with sympathy and compassion and asked me questions about the procedure, out of curiosity (that she quickly followed by saying I didn't have to answer, but I did). We ended by joking about how I was a little bummed that I couldn't get giant boobs out of the deal. She assured me that no one else would see the actual paperwork and I didn't have to tell anyone anything I didn't want to. She's good at that HR stuff.
Those were some dark moments for me between the time I picked up that paperwork and when I went back to clarify my situation with them. But again, at the end of the day, I'm doing the right thing.
That's right - I DON'T have breast cancer, and I'm going to do what I need to in order to prevent it!