3 Months Post PBM - Update

I was just responding to a post in a message board, and realized that tomorrow it will be 3 months since the PBM!  Whoa.  And it has been over 2 months since my surgery to remove the expanders which left me entirely boobless.  That is crazy!  I still have probably at least 6 weeks to go until my next surgery to get expanders put back in... I'll start scheduling that at my appointment on Thursday (day after tomorrow).  It's good to know that I'm on the downhill side of the boobless time.

So here is an update of how I am doing with this right now:

My arms are pretty much better.  They tire easily, and feel really weird if I hold them up for long periods of time.

My arm strength is improving.. I can carry my 4 year old.. though it takes more effort than it used to.

I have mostly the generally achy feeling I had before all this from the autoimmune inflammation, I do feel it more sometimes around my would be breast area, like little twinges from the skin and tissue that was affected.

I can sleep on my stomach!!! Yay!  I still mostly sleep on my sleep on my sides, but occasionally will slip onto my stomach..  I'm going to really enjoy this for the next 6 weeks, because I know I'll be stuck on my back once I get the expanders.

I still don't feel sexy... 

I imagine that once I have boobs, even weird expander boobs.. I'll probably feel totally sexy, like "look at me! I have boobs!"

The majority of the day I don't worry about my booblessness.  I've found a system that works for keeping the breast forms securely in place and most days (in most clothes) I don't even worry them.  There are some outfits I try to wear some days that cause me a little more concern.. I have to pull up my tank top once in a while to make sure there is no gap, though I've been assured that someone would have to be creepy to be peering down a tiny gap in my tank top (and they would deserve the unpleasant surprise of nothing there...).

The numbness under my arms seems to be decreasing.. it's still fairly substantial but definitely less than it was.

I tire easily, but I don't know if that is more related to the autoimmune thing, or the surgery... or the combination of both. 

I wore mascara today.  Success!!

Big Red Squishy Boob

Argh.  So I apparently have an infection of some sorts.  Yesterday I noticed my right boob looked a little red, so I was keeping an eye on it.  Then both of them started feeling a little squishy compared to how they're normally fairly hard (I never quite understood the hard boob thing until I had hard boobs) 

This morning I woke feeling rather crappy, which isn't so unusual these days.  Figured it might be more than usual because I kept waking up (numerous times) thinking I heard footsteps in the house (which really had me freaked out), so I was pretty tired, but then I had a lightheaded moment in the shower, and then was feeling a little clammy as I watched The Tudors with my mom. 

It was after my mom had left and I got to thinking - It's friday, and going into the weekend, I should probably just give my surgeon a call to see if the squishy boob was a concern.  The nurse recommended I come in and just have the surgeon look at it.  My sister inlaw just happened to stop by and I asked her to take me into the surgeons office.

After examining both of the breasts, SQUISHING them (because they're squishy not hard), he had me lay back on the chair and asked the nurse to recline it so that I was laying at a slant with my head towards the ground (it really felt like I was going to slide off - he laughed and said the nurse would catch me if I did, but he hasn't yet had that happen).  I don't know what all the different feeling from different angles really told him, but he determined I have an infection, and that it looks like I got in early, and so we're going to jump on it and hopefully get it under control with  the antibiotics.  Then he wants to see me again Monday (instead of waiting until my next appointment on Thursday).  He also said that if I end up with an emergency situation over the weekend he would be available.

He said worst case scenario is that we do surgery and I lose the expander and cant replace it right away...(delayed reconstruction) which really seems pretty terrible...  He said there are other potential scenarios between the antibiotics and the worst case, so for now I'm going to just really focus on the antibiotics working.

So right now my left boob is squishy and red and bigger than the other and I have a fever and my back hurts, and I'm a little clammy, and I'm really just not too happy about it all.  Blah.

Drain Free and Filled!

Today is one day after the two week mark.  I got the drains removed today.  It was rather unpleasant.  I think I described previously how these drains were wrapped around the outer edges of my breast under the skin... well as they were pulled out I could feel it moving through that space, and I think my tissues had probably started trying to attach to it, which is probably what caused pain as it was torn away (thats just my theory). 

Prior to that though I got my first fill.  I was a little nervous about that because it seems like my breasts were still sensitive.  I explained to my plastic surgeon that it seemed like I still had painful sensation and that my incisions sometimes had twinges of pain.  And he said that its just the nerves trying to make sense of what we've done to them, but that in reality I shouldn't have any actual feeling.  He had me lay back and suggested that I close my eyes (unless I really wanted to see him come at me with the big needle).  So I closed my eyes and he said, okay here we go, and I braced myself, and... I felt nothing.  He proceeded to inject my breast (the expander implant) with 50ccs of fluid. and then went on to the next.  Same thing.

It was kind of funny to look down and see bigger boobs!  My husband who was in the room was equally amused.  He called them bionic boobies.

The plastic surgeon is comfortable with where my nipples are at in healing, so now that my drains are out he wants me to compress the boobs with either a tight sports bra or my breast binder from the hospital.  Right now I have both, since I'm not sure that either of them are adequately tight (or comfortable) on their own.  We also went to the store and bought a couple bras that I hope will be more comfortable than what I have currently.

I found what he said about wearing a bra interesting.. I asked if I still needed to wear one and he said that yes, considering that what I had before was the equivenlent of 500ccs and what I have now is essentially 300ccs - I have boobs, and they need support.   ok.   I'm learning that I actually had um... not small.. breasts naturally.  I've always been a bra wearer anyway, so no big deal.  I was just a little curious about this world of non bra wearing I read about on the message boards with women who for some reason aren't required to wear them.

I also mentioned early in the blog that he had said I might not even be able to get them the size they were when I had actually wanted them a bit bigger.  Now it seems that as long as we go slow, we'll see how it goes and might be able to get there (or even a bit bigger!)  YAY!

Anyway.. I am worn out today.  Off to bed I go!