Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Am I delusional?

So I'm 5 days post op now.  Today is my husbands birthday and my daughters 5th birthday is tomorrow.  I thought I was crazy doing the surgery right before going into this week, but really it has been okay.  I'm really lucky to not have had needed drains.  I think that has made a huge difference in this recovery. 

It has started catching up with me though, yesterday and today I was extremely tired.  I went out and did some shopping with my mom today, to get some last minute stuff for the birthdays, and after just about 2 hours out of the house, I started feeling a little light headed and like I really needed to lay down.  I made it home and rested for a few hours before starting to cook the big dinner.  Then as I was changing into my pajamas I noticed the pec muscles were kind of spasming.  It was rather odd.  So I think I probably over did it today.  Tomorrow I just need to get the cupcakes from the store to my daughters school (with my mom driving and carrying of course *because she's really awesome and helping me out alot through my recoveries*) then I'll dedicate my entire day to resting.

So the title of my post is "Am I delusional?"  Partly because as I mentioned above I have felt so good, relative to how I felt with the previous surgeries, and also because just a couple days ago I was sooo distressed about where my breasts are currently at size wize, but then last night and today I was looking at my new expander breasts and going back and looking at pictures of my natural pre mastectomy breasts and thinking maybe there isn't that much of a difference....?  Sure these ones are hard and somewhat oddly shapped and have long incisions across them and my nipples are definitely disfigured, however I can "see" them being normal again, and really I think if these ones could be squished into a push up bra... maybe they'd be close to same size, they just don't squish, so there is no way to push them up like I could with my old ones... they're just stuck at the projection they're at, which is really not much.

This is good though I think... as long as this isn't some kind of false hope.  I think that when I get the expanders exchanged for silicone implants, aka "squishies", I can get more projection, and may even be able to do push up bras (although ultimately I would really like to appear pushed up without the push up bra...) If I can get even a little bigger than I am now, with more projection AND squishiness... I should be pretty happy!

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