Sunday, October 30, 2011

Trying Really Hard

I am really working on trying to get a grip.  It feels like a nightmare.  I just have to accept that I'm already awake and figure out how to move forward. 

I really think when I get these horrible drains out I will feel a lot better.  I will be able to wear regular clothing, without looking like I'm smuggling something.  Ha! I worry when I go into a store that someone will see my lumpy sweatshirt and think I am trying to steal something.  Wouldn't they be surprised if I showed them!

Once I can wear regular clothes and don't have the drains I hope to go to a local mastectomy apparel store.

Apparently I have to wait like 2 months to get prosthetic breasts, and it seems it is quite the process.  I have to get a prescription from my doctor and then go in for a special fitting appointment.  Both the place that does these and my doctor say I have to be very well healed (about 2 months) before doing this, and by then I really had hoped we would be very soon having the expanders replaced... so I guess we will see.

But anyway, I was somewhat disheartened by this news I would have to wait 2 months when I'm going back to work in 2 weeks!  Right now I'm stuffing a tank top over my breast binder with a combination of surgical dressing and nursing pads which is semi adequate for the casual outing to a store or sitting around in a sweatshirt.. but certainly won't do for professional dress (or anything other than a sweatshirt really).

My understanding is the store I want to go to has post surgical bras and camisoles, that have lightweight "forms" and are suitable to wear while healing.  Hopefully having something like that to wear will help me feel a little better. 

I think one day when this is behind me, I will do some breast binder burning.

While I look forward to the drains being out, I really dread them actually coming out.  I know from last time that it hurts, and with these ones being bigger and seemingly more encased by my skin, and up in my armpits..( me the heebiejeebies - side note - I've never used that phrase before), I just imagine this will be much worse than last time!!  Can't they give me nitrous or something, like at the dentist??  I wonder if they've ever thought of that. 

Anyway, I think I'm doing better each day, very small increments, and I have to remind myself once in while that I did just have my second surgery in a month less than a week is okay to be tired.  I've had a major physical change and its okay to be unhappy about it.  I'm really hoping that soon I will be able to look at this as just a setback.

1 comment:

  1. I think all this is normal. YOU are normal. You will heal, inside and out. This too shall pass. I saw something the other day that said, "It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end". Any progress is forward progress - even if it's tiny progress. :) Keep doing the good job you're doing!